Whoop

cover art

2012-01-04T11:00:00.002-06:00

I'm collecting potential album covers for Owen's future career as a
genre-bending recording artist.

First, he'll start with a teen-heartthrob album, just to get on the map.

But his sophomore album, an alt-country/bluegrass EP with loads of guest artists will prove he's no one-trick-pony.

The post-punk album will be next, a bit of anti-establishment, protest rage.

Then he'll bust out the long-awaited hip-hop album.

And, of course, a collection of holiday songs. One the whole family can enjoy.

a real resolution

2012-01-04T10:56:00.002-06:00

My tendency toward self effacing humility and sarcasm, while acceptable in social situations, is entirely unproductive in my professional life. In 2012 I will cut this shit out.

i love a man in the kitchen

2011-11-28T20:47:00.001-06:00

we know how to party

2011-11-13T12:32:00.001-06:00

Thursday: 8 hours in the car.
Friday: 8 hours of crazy committee meeting prep, delivery & debrief.
Sat: 8 hours in the car.

Today: Post Successful Committee Meeting Hangover. (& not from celebrating-- unless you call a Wendy's hamburger from the drive-thru in central Illinois a celebration). I opened my computer to make a few edits and send a few follow-up emails and my eyes crossed immediately.

Bright side: They said I'm on track to defend in the spring!
#grad2012 #longtimecomin' #PhD

Owen was so excited for me that he did a little victory dance.

This trip back to STL was my first time away from Owen. We both fared very well, thank you very much, although Owen seems to have grown 4 inches and put on 5 pounds while I was gone. He is enormous.

we're still here, it's just that here has moved.

2011-09-26T19:28:00.000-05:00

In the interest of (practically abandoned) blog-as-(poorly updated)-journal, I suppose I should mention that we're in Ann Arbor for the year. Adam is spending the year doing this. I'm spending the year doing this, this, and this. I'm also trying to not be too distracted by his thing, which is way more fun and involves interacting with fantastically interesting people, whereas my work involves dropping the kiddo at daycare so I can stare at my blank screen in peace. Actually, I wish it were blank. [No, no, I don't. Dear Lightning Bolt: I kid!] But it would be more serene that my two options right now: a) a screen full of three colors of Track Changes; b) screen full of source code and error messages (Serious Nerdery).

My other big plan for the this fall is to sample every cider donut in a 50 mile radius.
Go Big or Go Home.

vacay

2011-07-28T23:12:00.000-05:00

NINE! Count 'em, 9 months.

2011-07-06T22:07:00.002-05:00

I don't know how we managed to get this far along, but here we are.

Trite things people say, that are completely, 100% true:

It Gets Better
Babies are Awesome
Don't be too excited for your kid to start being mobile
My baby is brilliant

do not drink this.

2011-06-23T21:31:00.005-05:00

The first thing that you need to know is that I do not like pink drinks.

When Adam & I got together he was spending the summer working as a bartender. I batted my eyelashes at him and he sent over a Stoli Razberry & soda, which I promptly returned, thank you very much, and asked him for a whiskey instead.

I guess that drink wasn't actually pink, but it tasted pink. I like my liquor brown.

One advantage to liking whiskey is that it does not require fancy drinks-mixs-ings skills. I don't even really like to mess with any ice, unless I'm trying to pace myself.

But I'm not drinking whiskey right now, as I am still breastfeeding. I feel comfortable with a little nightcap of beer or wine, but I feel a little shifty hitting the hard stuff too much when the beast could wake at any moment. The only thing is that the weather around here has been nearly PERFECT for three days straight. PERFECT! In the STL! It is positively unheard of. It is regal. It is epic. It calls for light refreshing cocktails. Plain old beer & wine will not cut it in weather such as this.

Meanwhile, these people have all been twittering it up about this new rhubarb flavored soda & and the ways in which they are mixing magic with it & various form of the hooch.

And so I started thinking...

I like rhubarb.

I like strawberries.

I like refreshing beverages.

And so it came to pass:

Ingredients:

-Vodka

-DRY Rhubarb soda

-Strawberries

-this really licorice-y basil from my garden

Slice strawberries and place in shaker with the basil. Keep one of each for garnish.

Muddle a bit.

( OK, so it turns out that it is kind of hard to muddle strawberries that aren't overly ripe. Hack at them as best you can)

Pour in some vodka. (make sure the lid is on tight or it will leak * ehem*)

Shake. (make sure you let it all drain back down before you pop the lid back off, or it will leak all over your counter *ehem*)

Strain into glass.

(So.... I don't know if it is my shaker or if the strawberry chunks were in the way or what, but the liquid wouldn't come out. So I had to pop the lid and pour it into a big strainer)

Add Rhubarb soda & garnish.

And there you have it.

And what you have, sir, is pink.

And not very good.

Not at all like the strawberry rhubarb pie that I'd imagined.

Some things that might perk it up:

-sugar. Eventhough I hate sweet drinks, I think this one could use a little more.

-limes. Because what cocktail doesn't benefit from limes?

-or, ideally, both. As well as some other kind of fancy liquor that I don't know about.

I never claimed to be a bartender.

first father's day (belated!)

2011-06-21T14:18:00.000-05:00

Well done, sir.

Pops

2011-06-17T21:00:00.000-05:00

Happy Father's Day Dad!
Happy Birthday Grandpa!

I coulda been a contender

2011-03-21T21:09:00.009-05:00

I started this weeks ago and saved the draft because I thought it needed a third section, and SURELY I should have time to finish this soon. Riiiight. So, anyway, here's an incomplete post.

I. Suddenly everything around me is all brackets and basketball and people running long distances for pleasure. And it got me thinking about competitive sports. There are competitions for some crazy things out there (eating hot dogs, sweeping large rocks across ice). Maybe I could be a winner if someone would invent a sport involving the things at which I can be competitive. Such as:

eating jelly beans
piling paper
distributing bobby pins across a household

II. On the street today:

A man with the World's Hairiest Shoulders walking around in a tank top. And this wasn't just an "Oh, I got caught off guard by this hot weather, I think I'll walk home in my undershirt" kind of tank top. No, this was a full on "My shoulders need to breathe, I think I'll wear this sleeveless shirt" kind of a tank top. Bravo to him, I guess?
A different man: tall, thin, pocket protector, and a plastic bag full of tall boys of Busch. Spicing up the chess match, yo.

Clearly I need to get out more.

the calculus of sleep

2011-03-12T19:30:00.005-06:00

I think when you get right down to it, I get to blame Isaac Newton. In order to develop his various laws for motion and gravity he had to ramp up conventional mathematics into what we now know as calculus. I haven't taken calculus since high school and I wasn't particularly great at it then. Little did I know when I got pregnant that I should have started a crash course to bone up on my skills.

I knew vaguely that once I had a kid my relationship with sleep would be altered. But I imagined it to be a basic arithmetic problem:

(the amount of sleep that I would like to be getting) - (# of times I get up to nurse the baby)* (the time spent on the big rubber ball bouncing him back to sleep) = the new amount of sleep that I would be getting.

And for the baby:

(the length of each nap) + (the amount of time he sleeps at night) = the amount of sleep he gets in a 24 hour period.

Simple, right?

WRONG. So so wrong.

Instead of basic addition and subtraction my life now revolves around complex logarithmic functions where to calculate the amount of sleep I am getting you have to find the area under that tail of the curve that is approaching some infinitesimally small number. And that's the simple math.

When it comes to the baby? I don't even know if there is a name for this. There is probably some brilliant Eastern European mathematician holed up in a garret somewhere crumpling balls of paper and pulling out his hair trying to flesh out the laws & theories behind the math it takes to deal with the sleep habits of a 5 month old.

and for my next trick, I will put away the laundry on the same day that I washed it

2011-02-07T19:54:00.000-06:00

A few months ago, when you all were trying to assure me that there would come a day when I'd put the baby to sleep, eat dinner with two hands while reading a book, and settle in for some work before bed.... I kind of wanted to hit you.
But, crazy enough, here I sit. Having done exactly that. And I went to the gym too!
Thanks for keeping the faith, even when I was totally sure that my teeth were going to rot out of my head bc I'd never have the time or energy to brush them again.

this & that

2011-01-26T20:50:00.003-06:00

So, Owen started daycare a few weeks ago and it turns out that there is nothing like paying good money for the privilege of going to work to really light a fire under me. I haven't been this productive since... well, since I got knocked up, probably.

I have all the requisite ambivalent feelings about handing my infant over to strangers, but all-in-all having the defined schedule of Work Time and Baby Time is going a long way toward assuaging my guilt about not spending enough time devoted to either of those endeavors.

Work is now done during Work Time, and I can (for the most part) hang it up when I go home, and on days that I'm at home with the baby I don't feel so much like I ought to also be spending some time writing my next dissertation chapter while the baby naps*.

It is revolutionary, I tell you. I haven't had this little guilt about not working when I'm not working in years. I really recommend having a baby to anyone out there who is struggling with priorities.**

Of course, the voices will probably kick into overdrive right as my next deadline rolls around, but for now things are copacetic. It helps that this kid is so social and seems to absolutely adore being at daycare. He does this whole body smile thing when he's super happy, where he balls up his fists right by his face and kind of contorts his body back and forth (hard to explain, but god it's cute) and today when I picked him up I could barely get his coat on because he just couldn't stop being absolutely tickled by the general state of the world.

But, it also turns out that apparently blogging was one of those things I used to do when I was busy pretending to do real work. Thus it falling by the wayside of late. I swear to god yesterday I only procrastinated for maybe a grand total of fifteen minutes all day. That's including non-work related emailing. I was exhausted at the end of the day, but still not nearly as tired as I am after a day home with a baby. Three cheers for full-time stay-at-home-ers. I had to get back to school so I didn't die of exhaustion.

-----

*If you don't have a new baby you're probably thinking, "But, surely you can find some time while he naps. What are you, lazy?" I am now going to ask the person sitting next to you, who does have kids, to flick your earlobes.

But with that said, it is getting easier to cram other things into my day. Just not deep intellectual thoughts. More like brushing my teeth and cleaning cat litter.

**I kid! (kind of.)

sharing fluids

2011-01-18T20:14:00.006-06:00

Yes, the act of breastfeeding is emotional and intense. Either in a painful way (at first, when you're breaking in the equipment) or in a sweet 'i am connected to my baby' sort of way as it is now. But really, there is something even more intimate about picking that baby up after he's done nursing, having him snuggle into your shoulder... and then puke it all back up right down your neck.

2011

2011-01-01T22:22:00.001-06:00

Ways in which it started right:
-neither Owen nor I seem to have caught the bug that had Adam puking through the entire state of Illinois yesterday.
- our cat didn't destroying anything worse than his usually roll of papertowels while we were gone
-brunch @ Black Bear Bakery- those anarchist make a mean quiche
-naps all around

Elements that contributed to a less than auspicious start:
-anarchists seem to not care about serving cold pancakes.
- large pieces of our house blew off in the crazy storms yesterday & are now laying about our yard.
- after a month of an extremely happy baby we seem to be entering the teething phase. Hold on to your hats.

I don't get misty-eyed about the arrival of a new year and I don't do resolutions, but I will say that 2009 & 2010 were completely insane, and if I am really going to finish my dissertation then 2011 is not going to be a walk in the park either. Despite the sense of impending doom, in 2011 I plan to cuddle my baby as much a possible & read more books & fewer blogs. Ready? Let's do this year.

merry, merry, merry

2010-12-20T22:47:00.001-06:00

navigating the Sunday Times

2010-12-12T16:07:00.006-06:00

Cursory glance at big headlines to see if there is something I'd like to read about in more depth
Modern Love column
the rest of the Sunday Styles section
Book Review
Week in Review
the rest of the first section/National news
NYT Magazine (read over the course of the week)

How do you read it?

two months in

2010-12-12T07:00:00.001-06:00

I know. It's insane. Take a minute if you need to recover before reading further.

Well, more like 2 months and a week. We are still working on having things happen on time around here. In the two weeks that it has taken me to write this post Owen has been growing & developing in leaps and bounds. He's smiling at us like we invented the world, mimicing our gestures and 'talking' back at us with awesome ebullient gurgles and coos. He is, in short, amazing at everything besides sleeping.

(turn your volume up for full baby gurgle effect)

In that first bleary month there were so many wonderful friends who reached out to say "It will get better!" (thank you all times a million).

And they were right, sort of. It is better, but I don't know if it is easier. I think that "it will get better" is a code that experienced parents use to actually mean "you'll get used to it!" Used to tired, used to crying (mine, as well as his!), used to doing nothing but baby. And you will settle into it. It took a while for me to let go-- let go of expectations-- of dinner making, of diaper washing, or work doing, of anything and to just be present. And that letting go was the turning point for me, I think. That and the day when Owen decided that Adam could put him down to sleep too, it didn't have to always be me. The freedom!!!! I am drunk with it.

Verging on gratuitous amounts of baby cuteness in this post.

Anyway, Owen's not the only one developing mad skillz.

Since my hands are always full with the babe I have learned to do the following with my feet:

-open/close doors

-pick up phone from the ground

-open/close vegetable drawer in the fridge

-turn on bedside lamp

-change the channel on the tv

colors

2010-11-13T09:52:00.003-06:00

Yellow

Green

Blue

Pink

White

open letters

2010-11-02T08:09:00.004-05:00

Dear Owen-

It is not a good long-term strategy to try to survive on so little sleep. Believe me. It is making you nuts. It's making me nuts.

Don't roll your eyes at me!

Dear Fancy Baby Swing-

You are supposed to be the answer. You are supposed to be lulling this kid into the starry dreamland so that I can finally take a shower, so that I don't show up at the polls looking like I'm still wearing my Halloween hobo costume. Instead, he screams the minute I get him near you.

I don't think you're trying hard enough.

Dear Wonderful Neighbor Who Gave Us This Big Purple Exercise Ball-

THANK YOU. Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou.

It is the only thing that works.

Dear Organic Fake Pop-Tarts-

You are not very good. And you are not very good for me. But you contain calories, and I can prepare and eat you with one hand.

For this I salute you.

Dear Whoever It Is That Decided That Drinking Coffee While Breastfeeding Is OK (in moderation)-

*sob* Marry me. *sob*

In other news:

I am currently avoiding eye contact with a December grant deadline.

I have made eye contact with two sets of manuscript edits, but they are still mingling on the other side of the party, so I'm going to just hang out over here by the hours de vours table hoping they don't make the trek across the room and try to engage me in conversation.

Nearly a month with this baby! Good thing he's so amazing in all other ways beside sleeping.

Don't be fooled. It looks like sleep BUT I ASSURE YOU IT IS NOT!

two weeks in

2010-10-22T21:41:00.008-05:00

So in case you missed the rockets, the bullhorns, the tickertape parade, the airplanes toting banners o'er the sky: We had a baby!

His name is Owen and he is awesome.

Turns out it hurts a lot to birth a baby. Before & after. Maybe you knew that? I did, but not really. I made some cazy jungle noises & some words not fit to print. But in the end, totally worth every last unmedicated minute of it.

He is, of course, a complete genius and totally precocious. Today he rolled over-- twice! He is two weeks old! He came out of the womb with muscle definition in his legs and arms --which explains all the insane kicking that was going on in utero. Pretty soon he's going to be pulling those monster truck tires across our backyard, and tossing the girls over his shoulder at recess and running off with them like his Viking ancestors.

Like all intellectuals, he also enjoys a bit of light reading before bed. A true renaissance man, this kid.

Likes:

+nursing

+his owl

+family

+sunshine

Dislikes:

+wet diapers

+waking up hungry

+having boogers sucked out of his nose.

We've decided to keep him.

40 weeks. 31 years.

2010-10-06T08:48:00.003-05:00

granite city, il

2010-09-26T20:35:00.003-05:00

What do you do with your antsy pregnant wife on a cool dreary day?
First, feed her coconut cake.
Then take her to sneak into the scrapyards where the trains go to die.

Quote of the day, as we hurried back to the car before someone came to yell at us:
"Be careful, watch your step. If you fall here I'm not sure how we'll explain this to the doctor."

the perfect man

2010-09-09T18:07:00.000-05:00

Things that are hot on dudes:

1. Black gingham dress shirts

2. Rolled up sleeves

3. Nice forearms

4. Leather cuff

Adam meets all of these criteria. Also, he buys candy for me.

classy or a clusterf*@k?

2010-09-08T18:04:00.001-05:00

Adam: This QT is the JFK of gas stations.

Me: ... ... wait... the president or the airport?

35 weeks!

2010-09-01T11:08:00.006-05:00

Well, we're moving right along on this whole baby growing escapade. Five or so more weeks (I'm banking on 6) to go. I'd add a melodramatic "...and then our life as we know it changes!" but to be honest it has already changed. I am not exactly out painting the town red these days.

(Because I totally used to. Paint the town, I mean. Really.)

I have lost perspective on how I look to others, but a pal just described me as "extremely pregnant". This makes me think it is time for a list or two...

Surprising things I can still do with relative ease:

ride a bike (no great distances being covered these days, though)
entertain dinner guests
touch my toes

Things that I'm pretending I can still do but I'm going to need to give up the game pretty soon here:

wear shoes that require me to lace or buckle them
work for more than three hours in a row without a nap
wear pants

from my brain to yours

2010-08-20T12:59:00.006-05:00

demographics

People my age are not nearly as into Jell-o as I feel they should be.

#6 no mayo. I said NO MAYO!

To the lady who is huffing around about how "this place is just chaos!" ---

You are in a Jimmy John's at noon. What were you expecting?!

I kept hoping the prep guy would try to toss her sandwich to her, the way they do when they're feeling especially saucy.

let us embrace the homely cupcake

For the record, any cupcake is better than no cupcake. But can we have a brief discussion about the style v. substance issue? The world is getting cluttered with these towering confections, adorned with bows & ribbons and cocktail umbrellas. If I can figure out how to cram them into my mouth without getting it all over my face they are always too dry, too flavorless. Is it too much to ask for my margarita cupcake to actually taste like lime & tequila? Gimme a plate of crooked, hand frosted scrumptious cupcakes over those flashy status symbols any day. I want the working man's cupcake.

things I never thought I'd be into, but ... it turns out they are kind of rad:

*South Beach bars

*Hats with ears for babies

*Statistics

cursory inspection

Thoughts I have upon walking through my house in the morning:

Why is this cookbook on the floor?
Apparently the dishes fairy did not come.
It looks like that closet is throwing up shoes.
Ugh, 7:30 already?
Wait, that clock says 7:28. Nice.
Didn't I mop this yesterday?

eco science nerd fest 2010

2010-08-10T09:51:00.008-05:00

I'm back in the sweltering STL after a week in Pittsburgh communing with my fellow eco science nerds. I know that the only thing more boring that attending a week long conference is reading someone's recap of it, but there are a few things that I feel I must note about the meetings, the venue, and the host city itself. I'll be brief.

Which way to the conference? Follow the throngs of sport sandals and hiking backpacks.

No one knows how to dress-down the already dressed-down business casual of conference attire like biologists.

How can you tell you're at a ecology meeting? When you're asking yourself "are these flip-flops too dressy?"

Also: I cannot remember the last time I was surround by so many super fit white people. It is making me wonder about the demographic breakdown across scientific disciplines. Is ecology the whitest science?

I was happy to notice that the upward trend in female graduate students and young faculty that I've noticed in my own city seems to carry across the field. But the senior scientists are still largely male. Is it only a matter of time until we all move through the ranks or are we dropping out before we get there? There are books and theses that delve into this topic, so I won't attempt to parse it here, but I remain optimistic.

***UPDATE*** I almost forgot to mention that I got to meet an internet pal in the flesh. Here's to putting faces to pseudonyms!

Pittsburgh? I salute you.

Who knew that Pittsburgh is actually kind of interesting? While I didn't get to explore very much at all, I was lucky to be staying in a B&B in a neighborhood (Lawrenceville) outside of the downtown conference-center area, so I got a small glimpse of the city on my route in. It's like an entire city made out of Greenpoint, Brooklyn. In a good way. In an 1800s-houses-with-1950s-awnings sort of way.

The best part was all of the really excellent murals and street art. Dear St. Louis-- why can't we make this happen here?

Some of my favorites:

This awesome mural is by artist John Pena. lovelovelovelovelove this. passed it every day on the bus.

This one is so excellent in person:

(mural by Brian Holderman, pic via Cardboard Sea)

And there was Shepard Fairey stuff everywhere. Maybe a little played out if you live in LA or NY, but unexpected in Pittsburgh, if you ask me.

(pic via justseeds.org)

ALSO? It was not 105 degrees there. So, that was nice too.

the bright side. very bright. and hot.

2010-07-29T09:08:00.007-05:00

Back in the Lou for a few days, and surprise! It feels like a million Swedes opened their sauna doors in my face the minute I step out on my porch. Some people call this summer, but I call this gulag. For me, and the rest of the civilized population up there on the 45th parallel, summer is a time when you get to wear bathing suits during the day and jeans and a sweatshirt at night. Glorious balance.

But! I am happy to be home. I missed my man and my cat and I need to get cracking on this baby room and oh yeah, also all of the schoolwork that for some reason didn't get done while I was up northing lolling around on the beach. So instead of whining about how the air here feels like molasses, I will simply close my eyes, think cool thoughts, and remember all the glorious watery-ness of the past week.

Also? We canned peaches! My domesticity knows no bounds.

ode to a moon chair

2010-07-12T11:00:00.006-05:00

Today I bid farewell to my trusty moon chair. Acquired for free on the side of the road my senior year of college, it is headed to a new home. This chair has lived all over New York City, Maine, Upstate New York, and then made the journey with us to the STL. Good little chair.

bike love

2010-06-17T08:00:00.001-05:00

Cyclerpillar by Rebecca Wessels

Purchased by Adam at ARTCRANK for the baby's room.
I LOVE IT.

baby einstein

2010-06-16T08:56:00.004-05:00

The books all say, "Sing to your baby!"

(even in utero)

I'm guessing they have in mind something like nursery rhymes and gentle Burt Bacharach crooning.

Instead, I've had The Whole Damn Thing by Those Darlins clanging around in my brain for the past three days, the chorus of which goes a little something like this:

I got drunk and I ate a chicken.
I ate a chicken I found in my kitchen.

Not just a leg and not just a wing.
I'd like to let you know that I ate the whole damn thing.

If you swap out 'hungry' for 'drunk', then it kind of seems like a suitable pregnancy song, if you ask me. Maybe we'll stick with that kid-friendly version once he's out of the womb.

getting on the bandwagon

2010-06-11T13:54:00.005-05:00

1. It turns out that working from home everyday turns me into a really boring person. A boring person with nothing to blog about except my pets and I try, I really do try, to keep that in check.

So, hence the silence of late.

2. If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. that is why I have refrained from complaining publicly about why I have had to sort of stop reading a few of the "big" blogs that I used to follow. Most of it has to do with things getting stale, and/or everyone wanting their blog to be everything all at once. I am business person/writer/mom/designer/cook/blogger! (not that I never fall prey to that! glass houses!)

3. I fear the bandwagon to the point that it makes me annoyingly scornful. Sometimes. A lot. It is one of my character flaws. Raise your hand if you are judgmental out of deep buried insecurities!

All of that just as lead up to this, my main point. This lady over here, she does lots of things that are inspiring lots of people to go out and do their own inspiring things. It is all so optimistic and cheery & funded by advertisers that the jaded black shriveled wretch that is my insides wants to hate it all. Except this one part where every week she takes time to toast a few, small bits of wonderful.

Because the thing is, despite all my big talk, I love the little things to. They are what get me through the day. Vegetables inadvertently chopped in rainbow order! Being trapped in a doorway during a downpour. Full ice cube trays.

So, I am thinking that, in an attempt to Focus On the Positive! I shall join in the movement and give some sort of regular thanks.

Today?

Today I am fueled by grey t-shirts & pierogies.

happy 3pm on a thursday!

2010-06-10T15:21:00.000-05:00

landlocked

2010-06-04T12:14:00.005-05:00

This is where I am from:

Do you notice how there is water EVERYWHERE?

In hot summery weather like we're having now it is so hard to be so far away from home, a place where people just keep their bathing suits in the car, because chances are you're going to drive by water at some point in time during the day, so why not stop for a quick dip?

I also used to live here for a long time:

That there's the ocean.

And for a while we lived here:

Or, more specifically, here:

It was grand. I saw the ocean from my back door.

This is where I live now:

There are tons of great things about living in St. Louis, but proximity to large bodies of water is not one of them. And no, the rivers don't count.

I think I miss the smell of water as much as I miss seeing it. But I miss being in it most of all.

mine. backoff.

2010-05-27T13:38:00.001-05:00

Standing to drink is so exhausting.

******

Oh, come on. You LOVE it when I post pictures of my pets.

a different kind of summer

2010-05-27T08:56:00.005-05:00

Less of this...

& more of this...

(ok, well, I'll be drinking rootbeer)

As it turns out, I am still waiting to hear about the big grant that I applied for last Nov. The one that I had hoped would fund my last field season this summer. Data collection for what would potentially be my final chapter.

In the world of federal grants for scientific research, No News is not really Good News, and it is probably either Bad News or On The Fence news. On the fence meaning that maybe the panel is still trying to find some last scraps of money to fund it, so it hasn't been kicked to the curb yet, but things aren't looking good.

At first I was getting pretty bummed out about this, as I had submitted what I felt was a killer proposal that fit the guidelines to a T. But, you never know who the reviewers are going to be, and the topic I'm dealing with can be a little... well, not controversial, but it makes some people a little bit touchy. Going against dogma makes reviewers nervous. Especially when you are a graduate student.

By now I've wrapped my head around the fact that it's probably not going to happen this year. I'm in the good position of only needing one more summer of fieldwork, but I have two more summers to go, so I can always reapply for next year and get a ton of work done analyzing and writing my other chapters in the mean time. And that whole growing a baby thing. That too.

In a weird twist of fate I am also not scheduled for any summer fieldwork for my Research Assistantship either.

So this all leaves me in the incredible position of having NO FIELDWORK all summer, for probably the first summer since college. It is a bitter pill, really, as fieldwork is my favorite part of this job. But the side benefit of all of it is that I will be around home the whole summer! My garden might actually make it all the way through! I might get to actually participate in fun summertime activities! No leaving Adam to attend bbq's and festivals alone! I might have a chance to actually get out of the city once and a while and go exploring. And I will have time for all of the baby-relating nesting that is coming down the pike (painting, making, buying, fussing).

Oh, and also-- not being alone in the desert in June while 5 months pregnant is a probably a nice thing too. It probably would have taken me twice as long to collect all of my samples...

Point being: if I am going to make this whole plan to reapply next year and still graduate on schedule work, then I am going to have to keep my nose to the grindstone this summer. I have two manuscripts in the hopper, and data from last summer that I haven't even looked at since last fall. And an overdue grant report too!

WRITING WRITING WRITING!!! ANALYSIS ANALYSIS ANALYSIS!!

An in between all that work???

SUMMER!!!

please take my survey

2010-05-25T16:16:00.007-05:00

Remember this, from way back in Feb?

Now we're looking more like this:

But even better, really, because all the dishes are back in the new cabinets, the trim is (mostly) done, floors are finished, etc. etc.

All we are waiting on is countertops. We've been waffling on countertops since before we even started this project, and now here we are--- everything else is done and we STILL cannot decide.

So, I am putting it to you. I'll spare you my ramblings about how I much I hate granite, but also seem to hate everything else too, and resale value, blah blah, industrial processing of composites v. mining something that's shipped halfway around the world.

Our choices right now are these:

1. Buy recycled product from BIGBOXSTORE

2. Buy non-renewable resource (granite) from LocalIndependentBusiness

OR,

3. Buy also non-renewable, but really the whole earth is covered in this stuff so it's not going anywhere (quartz) from LocalIndependentBusiness

Support the little guy or support the globe?

2010-05-13T22:36:00.000-05:00

it was a colorful sunday

2010-05-10T11:32:00.002-05:00

a little crazy, but totally true

2010-05-07T10:09:00.002-05:00

spiderwebs
Originally uploaded by gigirose

In times like these, when the weather is almost a little bit too perfect, I am hit with a breathless feeling of melancholy nostalgia. And a feeling that I really must try very hard to squeeze every last bit of wonderful out of the day, but that I surely will miss a few drops.

lock up your daughters

2010-05-07T09:57:00.007-05:00

... it's a boy!

via superbomba on flickr

Life these days

2010-04-26T15:59:00.004-05:00

The rollercoaster in my brain is running along a track that includes (but is not limited to):

doula interview questions
chromosomal abnormalities of the plant evolution variety
(but then the brain goes, of course, to those of the unborn fetus variety)
day care centers
greenhouse experiment protocols
cabinet installation
cloth diapers
manuscript edits
countertops
18"dishwashers
paint chips
25 pound bag of urea fertilizer
ultrasound
statistical code
arborist
tomato plants
mobiles
kitchen faucets
pants
broken headlight
fixed bike
mom arrival
clogged gutters
data entry

Sounds like Life to me, anyway.

hindsight

2010-04-25T14:24:00.001-05:00

Note to Self:
Going shopping by yourself for maternity pants at 6pm on a Sat night
when you haven't eaten since that Vietnamese sandwich* at lunch is
just a recipe for disaster, and near total meltdown.
--------
In other news, I now own pants that I don't have to jerry-rig with a
rubber band.

*MamaPho's grilled pork Banh Mi? Oh. My.

pregnancy diet

2010-04-14T15:50:00.003-05:00

What I ate before 10am today:

english muffin
1 mango
grape juice

(brief pause to walk the dog)

veggie sausages
clementine
granola bar

(brief pause to walk from house to car)

organic Cheetos

(Have you had them?! Holy geeze, man. GOOD.)

Other things that I can't get enough of:

apple juice. I could drink it allllll day.
fish. but i don't get to eat it enough bc we are still washing dishes in our bathtub, which puts a serious crimp in my creative cooking.
eggs.
South Beach peanut butter granola bars. PROTEIN packed, but tastes suspiciously like peanut butter rice krispie treats (thnx to my sis for these).
HAMBURGERS.

What I can't seem to eat:

Any members of the Brassicaceae family, including my beloved brocolli.
peanut butter (what?!)

all in all, though, it seems worth it

2010-04-08T15:59:00.005-05:00

Things they don't tell you about pregnancy until it is too late:

-heartburn & bloating

-the crazy peeing schedule starts immediately

-acne!?

-curly hair that was finally starting to get long and more wavy abruptly changes course & becomes more curly and frizzy

Also- in these early months, I have this feeling of a lack of control. Like, all I can do is eat and sleep and hope all is going well down there. Shouldn't there be more to it than a few vitamins and a bag of almonds & apricots? And shouldn't I have to go to the doctor at least once a week for... something? a pat on the back at least?

FACT: The people who will be the MOST excited when you tell them you are expecting (aside from the future grandparents) are people who have already kids.

And there will be lots of exclamations about how "Having kids is Just Great!"

This is very encouraging.

Although in hindsight those same people were all just complaining on facebook about cleaning poo out of their sandboxes, so maybe they are just excited to have company at Camp KidsWorld, but still.

shortage of beds

2010-03-24T21:46:00.000-05:00

"are you sure you're cool on the floor?"

"yeah, I'm good. It's your turn."

finally

2010-03-22T23:08:00.000-05:00

Everything else was kind of crappy today, so it was a nice surprise to
see some proof that spring is kind of here, sort of, almost, just
barely.

double, double, toil and trouble

2010-03-18T13:42:00.004-05:00

As a scientist, I'm dismayed at recent news that American's attitudes regarding climate change are taking a bit of a nose-dive toward disbelief. I am definitely in the camp that feels that blame for this can be split between poorly-communicating scientists and fear-mongering pundits. Come on science! Get on the ball!

With that said, I was heartened to see this figure which seems to indicate that the majority of the population is at least considering the consequences.

from: Global Warming's Six Americas

long drive home

2010-03-12T17:18:00.000-06:00

Crossing back across the country with my three undergrad field
assistants. The 19 year old guy is taking a turning at driving & has
taken this opportunity to play the soundtrack to Glee.

Ten hours down, 14 to go.

see?! i'm not kidding.

2010-03-11T09:04:00.000-06:00

Oh. Well, I guess before we head out to the study plots I should clean
the snow off of the truck.

Wait, did we bring an ice scraper?
No. No we didn't bc we were headed for the desert.

Bundle up, kids!

cruel joke

2010-03-10T23:02:00.000-06:00

Spring is springing back in the STL but it's 40s & windy out here in
the desert.
Fieldwork schmieldwork. I am cursed. I will never be warm again.

easing into my geriatric years

2010-03-07T21:26:00.000-06:00

Things I honestly enjoy that your grandpa probably loves too:

-Ovaltine
-prunes
-air-popped popcorn
-watching birds
-Arizona
-Cream of Wheat
-new socks (so exciting!)
-high fiber cereals

I'm really on the fence about orange marmalade though.

i am a sucker for all manner of rube goldberg goodness

2010-03-05T11:21:00.002-06:00

oh, the nerdery. looove.

physics teachers of the world, please please incorporate this into your curriculum.

get 'em while they're hot

2010-02-02T17:11:00.001-06:00

It's always wise to take these things for a test drive before purchase.

and so it begins

2010-02-01T10:04:00.003-06:00

Because who needs weekends, really?

"it was a musical thing, and you were supposed to sing, and dance while the music was being played."

2010-01-27T13:39:00.005-06:00

I've been working, so not posting. But two things I ran across today coincided in a nice way on an attitude that I *try* to take toward my own life, so I thought I'd pass them on. It's all a bit 'stop & smell the flowers'-y, but whatever. Sometimes we need reminding.

First, this meditation on the idea of non-attachment, from the Marbles blog:

Practice (abhyasa) and non-attachment (vairagya) are the two core principles on which the entire system of Yoga rests.
Practice is having an attitude of persistent effort. The essential companion to this is non-attachment, not being attached to what it all looks like, how it is suppose to go, what it is, or who it is. This is the balance.

And, then this, which was flagged by my friend tricia, who embraces life in a way we should all try to emulate.

noontime fog

2010-01-20T14:08:00.001-06:00

Spooky!

all riled up

2010-01-19T12:48:00.008-06:00

Is everyone aware of the buzz that's going on about this post by Shirky re: how women need to man-up or face eternal second-best-ness? It was forwarded to me by a friend, and I read it not knowing that the author is a man. It rubbed me the wrong way anyway, but now that I know the gender of the author I'm annoyed by it all over again.

There are a lot of responses to the article bouncing around, but I think my overall attitude about it, and this kind of sentiment in general is pretty well captured in this post, in which the author says:

Personally, I'm just not that interested in acting more like a dude for the chance that my work gets more widely recognized or that I get paid more to do it...

And in agreeing with that, I'm not saying that I'd accept less out of some sense of righteous indignation and refusal to be mannish, but rather that it does not occur to me that I would be worth any less in my own natural behavior and presentation, and it is only when presented with articles like Shirky's that it occurs to me that I could feel otherwise.

This gets to my general feeling about the place that 'feminism' has come to for women of my generation, which is, for better or for worse, that we have been gifted by our mothers the luxury to assume that we can achieve whatever we want, simply because we want to, not because we are "strong enough", or have learned to navigate a man's world. It is our world, we are shaping it, and defining our own roles that have not necessarily descended directly from feminist stereotypes.

The kicker then, comes when you have to face the cold hard facts that there aren't as many women CEOs, 77cents on the mans dollar, etc. etc. But more women are graduating from college, and just today NPR reported that women are increasingly the breadwinners in the family. To me this indicates that things are still in transition, and as more women of my generation climb the corporate/intellectual/academic/political ladder, with our blasé lack of apprehension that we can achieve our goals, then the men of the workplace will simply be swept along with the tide. At a time like this is seems more than backwards to prescribe "act like a man" to a young woman entering the workplace.

A person very close to me has been struggling with a workplace issue that, at least on the surface, smacks of a bunch of dudes taking advantage of a nice, smart young woman and getting her to do nine times the work at ten times less pay. My advice to her all along was to get in their faces and demand what she deserved. She's confident and ballsy and did it and it is finally starting to pay off. So, yeah, by Shirky's standards, this is an example of how being aggressive can help you to get ahead. But seriously? Is that where we want to end this discussion? Because to me it seems like the message in that is that the aforementioned crappy working environment will/should stay the status quo, and best of luck to all of us who have to deal with it, may the best man-impersonator win. I'm crying foul on that. That may be the way things work in some companies, but I refuse to believe that is the best way to run things overall, and it seems to me that in our globalized, multicultural world, the spoils are eventually going to go to those companies/employers that inherently value the contributions of workers with diverse strategies for getting ahead, not simply reinforce white-dude stereotypes.

Hegemony is hegemony, but the women of today are aware enough that we approach things differently than our male counterparts-- trust us, we have had the results of sociological studies dangled around us for years, and bringing it up again and again seems counter-productive to me. Let the interia of my generation's enthusiasm carry us over the dam toward a new workplace norm.

roll, bounce!

2010-01-17T23:33:00.002-06:00

E & C took us skating!!!

made

2010-01-16T20:54:00.002-06:00

having a hard time wrapping my head around...

2010-01-15T20:19:00.000-06:00

GMC Envoy
Illinois Plate:
ZMBBWE 5
Big Anheuser-Busch sticker on the back window.

America!

the plan, for now.

2010-01-08T14:17:00.003-06:00

Finish one thing every day.

Pro: Crossing lingering items of the list.

Con: Once the day's Thing is Finished, the feeling of triumph quickly morphs to lack of motivation to continue working on anything else.

the other BIG thing

2010-01-07T11:04:00.003-06:00

So, in my list of things about 2009 that, when all was said and done, weren't entirely horrible, I made one glaring oversight. I neglected to mention that my first manuscript, the one I've been submitting and re-submitting for longer than I'd really like to think about right now, has finally been accepted for publication! I got the news on Christmas Eve, so that was a pretty rad Christmas present. It was provisionally accepted while I was in China, baring a few minor revisions that, given my crazed fall of oral exam-taking and grant-writing, took me WAAAAY too long to complete, but whatever. It's done and accepted, and I should get the proofs in the next few weeks. I'm excited and nervous to finally have it out there in the world, but mostly just relieved that I can once and for all remove it from my to-do list. And start citing it in the two other manuscripts that I have underway. Here's to seeing my name in print! Hooray!

4 inches

2010-01-07T10:13:00.000-06:00

storm front

2010-01-06T14:46:00.000-06:00

please snow please snow please snow please snow

pleasesnowpleasesnowpleasesnowpleasesnow

snowsnowsnowsnowsnow???????

prime real estate

2010-01-04T14:10:00.001-06:00

Share & share alike.

It is COLD here.

sayonara 2009

2010-01-02T14:44:00.001-06:00

For weeks now I've been planning my farewell speech to 2009. A thanks-for-nothing, don't let the door smack you on the way out kind of thing. I was done with 2009 about a month before it was over. I spent much of Dec just biding my time until 2010. 2009 chewed me up and spit me out. I was more stressed, frazzled, anxious, tired, etc. in 2009 than I ever thought possible. I was glad to see it go.

But the problem is, every time I try to write about all the ways that 2009 screwed with me, I come up short with the realization that all in all, a lot of good came of it too.

Sure, taking my qualifying exams was brutal. But I passed them!

Sure, taking them while searching for, buying, moving into, and renovating a house was kind of an insane move. But we have a house! Our house! And it is rad.

Sure, going to China by myself to try to salvage my research project was trying at times. But come on, two months in China! I made wonderful friends and saw amazing things, and all-in-all it was a great trip.

My classes were stressful, but I passed them and learned a lot.

Writing my huge grant proposal while my advisor was on sabbatical was challenging, but also kind of creative and fun, and fingers-crossed maybe it will actually get funded.

Some other things about 2009 that didn't suck at all:

-my sister moved to the STL. This is awesome.

-we found a kitten that likes to wrestle with our dog. This is the cutest thing to ever happen anywhere, ever.

So, there it is. Despite my best intentions to give 2009 what-for, I have to concede that I have come out of it all in one piece.

Dear 2010, May you be a gentler year.

2010

2010-01-01T02:39:00.000-06:00

2010-01-01T00:06:00.000-06:00

2009-12-28T14:24:00.001-06:00

holiday hijinx

2009-12-28T11:59:00.002-06:00

and oh so many more combinations!!!

(we are officially a pair of 8 year old boys)

slow roads

2009-12-27T08:49:00.000-06:00

Headed home.

Vacancy

2009-12-23T21:20:00.000-06:00

dispatch from the Great White North

2009-12-23T21:17:00.000-06:00

2009-12-22T11:35:00.001-06:00

2009-12-20T21:27:00.001-06:00

If winter won't come to me then I will go to the winter.

yesterday

2009-12-18T11:02:00.001-06:00

It was a good day.

making

2009-12-17T12:08:00.001-06:00

I'm giving my brain a hard reset today. Cleaning, making, fixing. Baking?

Back to it for one last deadline tomorrow, but for today, this will be enough.

puppy kitten happiness

2009-12-16T22:37:00.000-06:00

last exam

2009-12-16T08:27:00.000-06:00

....almost there.

festive!

2009-12-15T23:35:00.000-06:00

Who needs party dresses when you have a vintage wool plaid in holiday
colors?!

Besides, it's too cold for tulle.

sunday nightcap

2009-12-13T22:13:00.000-06:00

Just hit *send* on the last paper of the semster. Just one more exam
to go. Motivation dwindling!

Recharging my batteries with a hot whiskey.

sunset

2009-12-11T17:05:00.000-06:00

late-night coffee shop

2009-12-10T11:48:00.002-06:00

Going to study at a coffee shop at 9pm is a great way to make myself keep working. That's just about when I'm feeling like I should be throwing in the towel for the night, but look! All of these people out and working and chatting and that lady just ordered dinner! Second wind!

But it is also when the crazies come out. Who practices a foreign language out loud in public? Oh, that guy does.

Other observations:

How is it that women from South America are able to look elegant wearing long fuzzy sweaters and hiking pants that would make event the svelt-est USA-American look like a raging hippie?

What kind of a self-respecting coffee shop plays this kind of festive holiday muzak?

Dude, I don't care if your hair is bleached and you are wearing black glasses, you are about 20 years too old for those skinny jeans.

cold rooftops

2009-12-09T16:57:00.002-06:00

Just so we're clear, flurries do not equal snow either.

I want accumulation!

I've spent the entire day trying to rescue my laptop from the Great Hard Drive Slow-Down of '09. I know that the second to last week of a semester is not an ideal time to undertake this kind of a mission, but I have been putting it off for over 6 months now. It turns out that there is NEVER a good time to give up a few days on the computer when you are in graduate school. It turns out that the work never stops. And, since in order to finish this semester, it would be convenient to be able to say, save the paper that I am writing, I decided it had to happen now. Or, I guess the computer decided it for me.

This experience has reinforced my feeling that the people at computer stores (mac related places especially) have magical powers and are able to a) do the exact same thing you've done 80 times and yet the time they do it it works, and, more to the point of this endeavor b) put a hex on you if you appear too overly confident. You know, just to take you down a notch. It's like... a business strategy, to stay in demand. The minute I say anything to the effect of "no, you don't need to do that part, I can take care of that at home", I feel the slow creep of dread. Can I? Can I do it at home? There is usually a 50/50 chance.

Anyway, this is far more than you ever wanted to know about my disk space, so I'll just say that after 3 trips, but *only* $170 spent so far, I think I am in the midst of successfully reinstalling my operating system and restoring all of my files. By myself. onto a big gigantor 500 GB hard drive.

Also, it is blowing like mad out there, there are limbs down in my yard, every person I know is stranded somewhere in a blizzard, but all I get are a few measly flakes and subzero wind chills. STL is my winter purgatory, but at least I have a functioning computer so I can view weather reports and pictures from the great white north.

THIS is NOT snow

2009-12-08T18:11:00.000-06:00

This is rain. Very cold rain.
WHER IS MY SNOW?!?!

sparkly

2009-12-06T17:58:00.000-06:00

Well, the tree is up. So I guess I accomplished something today.

preparations

2009-12-05T19:20:00.000-06:00

Making my great-grandmother's sugar cookies.

verbatim

2009-12-04T16:44:00.002-06:00

Sent: Friday, December 04, 2009 2:48 PM
To: AA
Subject: reminder

hey -- john's party is this evening, and we're supposed to bring an unwrapped toy. any chance that you have a minute to stop by target/walmart/walgreens/somewhere & pick something up on your way home?

....

How about a Steely Dan album from Good Will?
kid appropriate!!!
no songs about drugs!

Magic Hands 45?
eeps! let's not get arrested here, folks.
how about a can of tomato soup?
or a torpedo level?

F@*% that. I love that torpedo level. We could give them Sarah’s hair iron.

too dangerous. how about your Kiss poster?
.... ....
Sent: Friday, December 04, 2009 4:31 PM
To: AA
Subject: ok but seriously
present?
can u get?

Roger that

So, I don't know. If you see some sad kid running around STL on Xmas morning with an ice bucket shaped like a bowling ball you'll know where it came from.

my logic is sound

2009-12-02T15:07:00.004-06:00

Reasons regular sized-cupcakes are better than those crazy extra-large-the-size-of-a-grapefruit ones:

superior frosting-to-cake ratio
moister
less pretentious
better selection in my belly --why eat one large chocolate when i could eat three flavors of regular cupcake?

1+2+3+4= SweetArt is better than Cupcakery, plus they make vegan, so I may as well just move in.

nerdery represent

2009-12-02T15:03:00.003-06:00

Things that are awesome

2009-11-27T01:17:00.000-06:00

1. leftover stuffing
2. kittens & puppies playing
3. pumpkin pie for breakfast
4. Nate's Michael Jackson charades dance
5. having all 3 sisters in one house-- it's a trifecta of awesome,
people!!!
6. ...see #5

and peace reigned in the kingdom

2009-11-25T22:23:00.000-06:00

plentiful

2009-11-24T20:55:00.000-06:00

We are now in possession of an unfortunately ginormous turkey. 24 lbs
of solid happy free-range Tom. So, if anyone doesn't have plans for
Tday, come on over!! We'll have plenty to go around...provided that I
can locate a roasting pan large enough to hold this sucker.

Kittehzz!!

2009-11-23T08:32:00.000-06:00

because we are addicted to introducing new stress into our lives

2009-11-22T20:08:00.001-06:00

We went out to a friend's farm for the weekend so that Adam could go deer hunting and I could force myself to not do work for 24 hrs straight. But instead of bringing home a deer we brought back a kitten!

His name is Bismark. He weighs 2.5 lbs and is a purring machine.

Moxie is not totally opposed to the idea, but she's still trying to figure out what it all means.

for Karina

2009-11-19T21:41:00.000-06:00

2009-11-19T16:57:00.002-06:00

The proposal that ate my fall is done.

$15K of blood, sweat and tears.